From My Psychotic Break To Yours
I was 23 when I suffered a drug induced psychotic break that lasted for one year. I heard voices, experienced thought broadcasting, and other delusions. Assuming you don’t have a doctor or don’t wish to see a doctor, these are my suggestions for surviving and recovering from a psychotic break (from experience.)
This article consists of 4 parts:
- “Easy” Stuff To Do NOW
- Bigger Picture Resiliency Techniques
- Thoughts On What Psychotic Breaks May Be
- Aftercare: Exiting The Psychotic State
Note: If you are a threat to the safety of others you lose the right to “ride out” psychosis alone. If you are actively considering hurting yourself or others contact a mental health professional immediately.
Easy Things To Do Now
Stop Using Drugs
It should go without saying but if drugs contributed to your psychosis it’s time to stop using them. To begin ending the suffering of psychosis the easiest thing you can do now is quit using drugs. I am not naïve to the difficulty of quitting ALL drugs. We both know that drug use can be understood on spectrum. It’s not always practical to consider drug use an all-or-nothing behavior. You may need to use some “common sense.”
For example: If you use psychedelics, speed, weed, and alcohol it may be “OK” to continue using alcohol but necessary to quit psychedelics, speed, and weed. That’s a helpful improvement. Quitting everything is best. However if you can’t, quitting some is better than quitting none. What’s key is being aware of which drugs effect your symptoms and how. Consider the drugs that contributed most to your psychosis in the first place. If a specific drug or type of drug played an outsized role then stop using it! Stop the damage.
That’s all quitting is. Preventing further damage to your psyche. Consider sanity a spectrum from sane to insane. Each time you use drugs you are pushing yourself further towards the insane end of the spectrum. Quitting drugs will stop that trend and give you a fighting chance to reverse it. Allow yourself to become sane by removing the counteracting weight of drugs.
It may take awhile to reach full sobriety but at least cut out the *worst offenders* for your mental health. I have a feeling you know which drugs are effecting you most. Minimize and then eliminate the worst habits. Give yourself a break
Avoid Friends Who Use Drugs
This goes hand in hand with the last section. It will be *much* easier to stop using drugs if you stop hanging out with friends who use. Dumping these friends may seem difficult at first. Perhaps you are scared of them on some level. Of appearing weak. In reality your hard drug friends are less concerned about you than you think. They are living their own lives. Living fast as the saying goes. It may only take 2 weeks of not responding to texts and calls for them to forget about you entirely and to move on. Stop responding at all. They will forget about you.
If you are living with other users I suggest that you get out of that situation as best you can.
The people we spend time with influence our behavior. It is impossible to say no to drugs when your friends are offering them to you. Stop seeing these friends and believe me they will forget about you quickly. Ignore every call and every text. They will get the picture. On some level they may be happy you’re making the choice to help yourself. (Do not expect them to say it or be conscious of it though).
It takes a lot of energy to deal with other drug users and you need that energy directed towards protecting your psyche. You need that energy to heal! Do whatever you can to get away from other users.
Sleep + Plenty Of Rest
YOU NEED REST. Now that you are done using drugs and done partying with your using buddies: Begin to focus on resting. Please sleep a lot. Take the time to enjoy content that is relaxing for you. Watching a TV show may feel unproductive but if it helps you relax, it is important. Avoid “trippy” or stressful media.
During a psychotic break your psyche is being overwhelmed. You can only begin fighting back when you’re well rested. Not if you’re exhausted. Give yourself the strength to begin regulating properly again by getting plenty of rest. Avoid stressing yourself out unnecessarily.
Keep "Crazy" Ideas To Yourself
Unless you are talking to a psychologist or psychiatrist, I suggest you keep ideas to yourself. During a psychotic break you may lack the insight to know what “crazy” is. If you can make the distinction, even on occasion, use that ability to keep unusual thoughts to yourself. If you can’t make that distinction it is best to be silent in general. Be on the quieter side.
Remember that you are in a vulnerable state. You do not want to lash out at friends or family. Use caution. Most people do not want to hear about the voices you’re hearing. They will write you off as crazy. You may feel crazy now but don’t be thought of that way forever. In rare circumstances it can even be dangerous to speak openly about what you are going through.
During psychosis your brain is functioning abnormally. Your ideas may be inaccurate. Really inaccurate. In most circumstances your friends and family only want to help you and see you doing better. Realize that accusing them of things is only going to hurt them. To the best of your ability keep your wilder thoughts to yourself.
I didn’t talk openly about what I was going through because I didn’t want to be sent to a psychiatric hospital. I did not want to be permanently labelled. Call it prideful. Perhaps I should have gone. I definitely would have gone had I told people what I was experiencing. Though I did an okay job at keeping ideas to myself, I still lashed out at friends and family. I regret that. Unless you are seeking help from a mental health professional, keep your thoughts to yourself.
Big Picture Resiliency Techniques
The previous section was about limiting further damage. This section is about making positive changes back to “reality.” These techniques will help you regain your sanity. Especially important is anchoring.
Anchoring
“Anchor” yourself in the memories of your past, before you were psychotic. If you can remember a time before you heard voices, before you had delusions, before you were psychotic, take solace in those memories. Memories of the past are places you can rest your conscious mind in. Remembering things were not always like this can give you hope. It can give you the strength to question your current perceptions. Take refuge in memories. Fight for the version of you that once was.
Memories of yourself before your psychosis give you a frame of reference. The non-psychotic state. Remember though you may be tormented by psychosis, it cannot take away your memories from you. You were not always crazy. So have courage and see your way through this. Though psychosis is confusing, it is not everything. You know there was a real world out there. Keep fighting and hold on to who you were before the psychosis. Your memories will help you.
Note: It is probably better to become psychotic at a later age (as opposed to younger.) Why? The older person has more memories and experiences from before their psychosis to anchor themselves to.
Emulation
One of the worst parts of a psychotic episode is the confidence you lose in yourself. Voices may say the most defeating things. A sense others can hear your thoughts is terrifying. Questioning the motivation of your friends and family is awful. Your sense of self is ruthlessly challenged. You may feel it is gone entirely. It is difficult to deal with, to say the least. One technique I found helpful for fighting back is the notion of “emulation.”
During my own psychosis I began watching the television show “Dragon Ball.” Dragon Ball is about the adventures of Goku, an innocent but virtuous child with tremendous strength. I admired the character of Goku. I began to see similarities between my struggles and his. Scary things from psychosis like resisting voices or “keeping my head” weren’t all that different from Goku fighting a scary monster or embarking on an adventure. Both required courage, a sense of self, and a set of ideals which would prove helpful for getting through the present situation. I noticed Goku was always happy and brave when facing challenges. I wanted to emulate and personify his attitude. I began to approach situations with “Goku’s” courage.
It’s important to realize I did not think I *was* Goku. I merely began realizing the character qualities I admired in him were a part of me. If you begin to emulate bravery, courage, or strength you begin BECOMING these things. If you become those things you aren’t going to give up. Integrating the traits of your heros gives you an ideal to aim for and they are an organizing framework for your psyche to grasp on to. Something to lean into and build upon.
Don’t give up but emulate and *be* your heros. Realize the qualities you admire in them are qualities you have in yourself, by virtue of recognizing them in the first place. If you can emulate and personify good character qualities, you can be the hero in your own story. You can withstand anything the world or your psychosis throws at you. Know your hero in your mind’s eye. Be brave and be strong. Literally!
Emulation: realization that the qualities of your greatest heros live in you.
Looking To Society
Seeing people getting up in the morning for work, taking care of their families, and leading normal lives is a helpful reminder that your psychotic symptoms are not universal.
Watching society continue to roll on ahead is also a reminder you were not always psychotic. At some point in your life you were normal enough to function within society. It helps to look outside of yourself. Not everyone is suffering from psychosis. Think about their reality. They exist right? How can you move towards their “normal” state of mind? The voices and delusional thoughts of psychosis seem real to you, but so does your notion of “normal society.” Normal society is definitely real. So remember that! Look towards it as an example to reach for.
Be responsible by making it a goal to contribute and thrive within society again someday. That goal can help you withstand psychosis. Society’s example is powerful. It reminds us the world outside of psychosis exists. Don’t forget that.
Pray
If you are religious, pray. Believe that you can be saved from this plight.
Time
Know that it will take time to recover. Do not expect to get better overnight. Go day by day, following these steps. You will get better gradually. It just takes time.
What A Psychotic Break *May* Be
We may never know where psychotic symptoms come from. Where voices come from. Where delusions come from. How can they feel so real? How can sensations outside of our conscious control be generated by our own minds? Or is it that these phenomena originate from outside the mind? If so, then from where? These are questions you may ask yourself during a psychotic break.
Carl Jung spoke of the conscious ego, the collective unconscious, the personal unconscious, the anima, the animus, the shadow, the self, synchronicity, etc. I speculate psychosis results from an imbalance between conscious and unconscious elements of the mind. Normally our conscious mind is in control. It filters the world through its eyes. During psychosis however fragments of the unconscious begin “breaking through” due to a weakening of our conscious filter.
I speculate the conscious element of the mind needs to rebuild its strength in order to recover from psychosis. It must “rediscover itself” so to speak. Sections 1 and 2 give methods for achieving this.
Note: This is only my personal speculation years after the fact. If I am wrong it does not change my methods for helping you recover. Feel free to ignore the speculation in this section if it is not helpful.
Aftercare: Exiting The Psychotic Break
Slowly you will begin to notice a change. Voices will fade away. You will begin perceiving social situations normally. Your fear will dissipate. Now what? You still need to take care of yourself. Here are a few things I ask you to consider going forward.
See A Psychologist
If you managed to make it through your psychotic break without seeing a psychologist, now is the time to see one. Although the acute symptoms are over you may still be suffering from the trauma of the experience. It may be harder to trust people. You may still be questioning what happened. You may still be building your self confidence. A psychologist will help you explore these issues by being emotionally and spiritually present with you. That is something you need. Tell them about your experience. Tell them what you are feeling now. This does not mean you have to do everything they tell you. There will be times where you feel frustrated, sad, or even angry after a session. Stick it out. Try to stay with someone for at least a year. The longer the better. Your goal is to build a meaningful connection with another person.
I recommend using psychologytoday.com to find a therapist. Look through the profiles for someone you think would fit you. If possible make an appointment with 2 or 3 of them. After your initial appointments ask yourself how you felt about each therapist before making your ultimate choice. Once you commit to a therapist, stick it out. Importantly, never lie to your therapist. Be as honest as possible. Even if that means telling them you won’t take their advice.
Get Sober
Earlier I said to eliminate as many drugs as you could. At least to get rid of the harder drugs. Now that your psychosis is over and you’ve recovered, consider getting completely sober. It may take a long time. I personally had a hard time letting go of alcohol. Your psychologist can help you here. There are also organizations like Alcoholics Anonymous. Alan Carr’s Easyway method can also work for certain people.
Being sober will allow you to think clearly. It also keeps your mood steadier. It can be challenging to get there but you’ve survived a psychotic break. You are no stranger to challenges.
I wrote more about the benefits of sobriety here.
Thrive
Surviving a psychotic break gives you a perspective that most people lack. You have developed a special resiliency. You made it through one of the toughest experiences anyone can face. Be proud of yourself. Remember what you learned.
It will take time to be back at 100% but when you are, you will be better than you would have been without your experience. Have hope. Do not be afraid to reach out for help from family, friends, and professionals. Reflect upon the meaning of your experience. Use your newfound skills to thrive and do well. Help others when you can.
Until next time, cheers.